Dear Customer,

Expecting our secure message receipts to behave exactly like Outlook message receipts is just plain silly. Here’s a tip: our application is NOT OUTLOOK. No, receipts returned by our mail encryption system do not use Outlook-specific properties like "OutlookMessageClass". Since our receipt is just an email message, it’s up to Outlook to decide what message class it is. If it doesn’t set it to the same "class" as the return receipts generated BY Outlook, well, we have no control over that.

(Tip number 2: Yes, Outlook/Exchange dominate the business email market. However they do NOT define how email works. Please stop expecting everything on the Internet to conform to the Microsoft Way.)

When emailing tech support about an issue with a user’s account, please keep in mind we don’t know who “Joan Smith” is. If you want us to do something for her email address, include her email address!

Dear Computer User,

When sending an error message to Tech Support, it’s generally helpful to say something about the message you are forwarding. We are not mind readers. Something like “I was doing X and clicked Y and this error message appeared” goes a long way to diagnosing the problem. While we’re at it, if the error message clearly says what the problem is, and it’s not something we can fix for you, but rather you need to fix for yourself, why waste our, and your, time?
To wit: forwarding us an email bounce message (and ONLY the bounce message!), when the bounce says:

The mail system

: host mail1.company.com[IP.AD.DR.ESS]
said: 550 5.1.1 : Recipient address
rejected: User unknown in virtual mailbox table (in reply to RCPT TO
command)

Says exactly what it means: User unknown. Forwarding this message to tech support of the sending mail server (without even saying why you’re sending it to them) is like dialing a phone number, getting a “number has been disconnected or is no longer in service” message, recording it, then dialing 411 and just playing the recording back to them. If you’re expecting the operator at the phone company to just figure out what you REALLY meant is “Why is my friend not answering the phone?” is rather silly. Expecting them to give you an answer more informative than “that number is out of service” is only marginally less silly.

Regards,

Every Technical Support Representative on the planet

Dear Coworker,

You have a private office. This office has a door. Please close said door when you’re going to use speaker phone for extended periods.

Dear Computer User,

Sending tickets to Support with a subject line of just “Help” (even when spelled correctly!) is not very helpful for the poor techs who are staring at a screen full of tickets, trying to prioritize which one’s need immediate assistance and who can wait.

This falls in the “It’s broken. Fix it.” category. Help me help you.

Thank you,

Your friendly neighborhood support technician

“Intranet Explorer”? Seriously?

Dear Computer User,

Do you call your doctor and say “I don’t feel well”?
Do you call your mechanic and say “My car isn’t working right”?
Then why in God’s name do you email tech support and say “it isn’t working”? We can’t help you fix it if you don’t tell us WHAT is wrong?

Yesterday was spent mostly dealing with HR, getting benefit paperwork filled out, getting ID bages, waiting for a new workstation, then getting logins to all systems I need to log into.

Today has been reading some documentation, attending one meeting (a weekly ticket status update), familiarizing myself with all the different ticket / email systems. (Kana: support email. Not related to our Outlook / Exchange email used internally, HEAT: support ticket system (not to be confused with support mail system), Remedy: internal ticket system and replacement for HEAT. Are you confused yet? I am.)

Taking the train to work has it’s perks. It would take just as long to drive, I’d have to deal with traffic, put miles on my car and burn gas^H^H^Hmoney. Taking the train I drive 5 miles to the station, buy a ticket, wait for the train, then read my book for the next 40 minutes. Change trains at Union station, get off at City Place, take two escalators, through a secure door, another escalator then an elevator up 23 floors.

The break room is near by and has free soda machines (and free juice machines). Coffee is also free. Gotta buy our snacks though.

Now, if I could just get half the fluorescent lights over my desk turned off…

I’m back.
OK, I’ve been back about 36 hours now.
Not that most of you noticed I was gone.

Next time I have to go to Houston I’ll just drive. Travel time by Southwest Airlines from DAL to HOU, including getting a ride to DAL[1], allowing for security, waiting for boarding, waiting for shuttle to hotel from HOU, crack-head shuttle driver, is about an hour longer than it would have taken to just drive. Return trip was the same, sans crack-head driver, since we just took a taxi, whose driver had a bit more clue where he was going. And big cajones[2].

The hotel[3] was not the nicest I’ve ever stayed, but it was very nice. It was easily the nicest bed I’ve slept in. I must acquire a set of bedding like theirs. Mattress pad, nice sheets, top sheet, pad, another top sheet, nice comforter.
No vent fan in the bathroom, so all the mirrors (and my glasses) got fogged up. Who ever heard of a hotel/motel that doesn’t vent the bathroom?

The conference was, over all, a waste of time. Their “beginner track” was too basic. “Installation”, “Configuration” and “SSL” scheduled for an hour each, were done in 10 minutes. The “advanced track” covered “Advanced troubleshooting”, mySQL, Anti-spam and php. “Advanced Troubleshooting” was simply “How to use strace”. Gee, how informative. mySQL covered “why you shouldn’t upgrade to 4.1 unless you REALLY mean it”. PHP was “don’t install 5.0. Really. Just don’t.” All of them were presented by a guy who started each presentation with a rundown of his resume (as if we were supposed to be impressed that he was a “senior technician” with one of the vendors at the conference before he came to work for cPanel.) His anti-spam presentation basically amounted to “make anyone who sends you mail prove their a real person by blocking their mail until the respond to your auto responder” and “RBLs suck. The people who run them are evil and clueless.”[4] Obviously he’s been using the wrong RBLs and doesn’t know how much the “prove that you love me” technique just pisses people off.

However, it was two days off work, with pay, some good meals and socializing with other industry folks.

Yesterday, I met up with for a while. Turns out the place he’s staying here in Dallas is just the next apartment complex over. Afterward I came home and got ready for a pool party at Amythest’s, with her sister, and other DFW Ufies. Shared that bottle of wine I bought a couple of weeks ago at the wine tasting and watched a silly movie.

So far last night / today I’ve made progress on Project X by getting Open-LDAP installed and successfully added an entry to the database. Next I get to configure Qmail to authenticate against it.

[1] Since ${poe} was too cheap to pay for a shuttle. REALLY cheap, since we were going to need a shuttle at the HOU end anyway.
[2] Got in the exit lane for the freeway interchange, which came to a complete stop. So he got out of the lane, slammed on the gas, passed everyone waiting to get on the interchange and cut right back in at the very last second.
[3] If I ever have to travel on business and the person arranging the travel forgets to PAY for the hotel again, I will hand them my two week notice. Going to check into a $300/night hotel and being asked for MY credit card was not fun. One call to the boss and he took care of it with his card, but he had to fax them both sides of his credit card and drivers license.
[4] With FUD like “All it takes is your competitor forging headers once to get you added to a whole bunch of RBLs” and “You have to pay each of them a ‘bribe’ to their pet charity to get off their list”. Guess he’s never heard of rfc-ignorant, ORDB, MAPS-RSS, MAPS-DUL, SORBS, DSBL…

Start packages installation
Install package psa
bsdtar 1.02.023, libarchive 1.02.026
Use gtar
/usr/local/bin/gtar
bsdtar 1.02.023, libarchive 1.02.026
Use gtar
/usr/local/bin/gtar
To continue installing, you should install Perl 5.008008 (you have Perl 5.008007 installed)
Execute cmd failed: sh /root/psa/PSA_8.0.0/dist-standard-FreeBSD-6.0-i386/psa_v8.0.0_build80060406.16_os_FreeBSD_6.0_i386.sh
ERROR: Error while install .sh package
ERROR: Installation failed